Queen Me

Some friends and I have decided to form an online book club this summer. We were looking for a way to keep in touch, learn a little bit more about each other, while still not interfering with the relaxed or harried (depending on your stage in life) May through August months. The book we’ve chosen to read is Queen of Your Own Life by Cindy Ratzlaff and Kathy Kinney.

I’m one of those people that hate spoiling surprises. I love the anticipation of birthdays and Christmas. Unless Big Al and the kids made me open any presents, they would all still be there – waiting, full of expectation and possibilities. Not so much with books.

Books scream at me to be read. I cannot wait to, at the very least read the preface, then maybe just the first chapter. So it’s no surprise to me that in the middle of April, before the rest of the group has begun in earnest to read “our” book, I’m three chapters into it.

The premise of the book is that through a humorous and thoughtful look at the first half of your life, you can set out to make the second half better that the first. I’ll be 45 this summer and so far the majority of my female relatives, grandmothers and great-grandmothers have lived well into their late 80s and early 90s. Theoretically, I’m halfway there.

In the third chapter the authors ask the readers to think of their mountaintop moments, those defining times through which we subsequently view all the following days and moments. Instead of seeing those instances as inherently negative, which often times they are, an alternative viewpoint is of a road blockade and a sign which reads “road closed – please turn left here.”

The next Chapter three exercise instructs readers to think of ten women they admire and why. The “why” is the important part. What are those key attributes about each admirable woman that make them so special.

The first attempt, my list well exceeded 10. I then narrowed my list over the course of one afternoon this weekend. It was interesting to see that the majority of my top 10 were from Neosho. Some I know well and for many years, while others might find my appreciation surprising.

Attributes such as joyful, trustworthy, sincere, happy, kept rising to the surface when considering this group of women.

The last part of the exercise is to review one last time the reasons why the list of ten were selected, finding the four attributes that best describe yourself.

Now there’s the tough part. It was easy for me to pick a list of women who I think highly of and narrow down why each one is special, but I always find self-reflection uncomfortable.

Book clubs are good in that they help broaden our appreciation for ideas we may have never considered on our own. They’re also proving useful in practicing my queenly state of mind. I’m looking forward to a second act filled with joy, happiness, and loyal friends.

Six Degrees of Tif

I’m continually amused by the interconnectivity of life; how even one polite or rude gesture from a stranger can otherwise turn my average day either a little up or a little down. I continue to look for the six-degrees of separation in life and am always tickled when they show up.

It’s probably a safe bet that we could all agree that for the most part we operate under an Ozark’s Code of Manners. If driving in southwest Missouri and you allow another car to pull in front of you thereby avoiding the gridlock that is coming, you expect that “thank you wave.” Nothing big. Nothing elaborate, just a short little burst of a wave – using all the fingers – to say “Thank you” “Appreciated it.”

If I don’t get the wave, I can get a little miffed. “Where’s the wave?” Same thing if a car lets you cross in front of a store. The expectation is that you trot or jog, whatever’s possible, and that you give the wave.

It’s just common courtesy, Ozark style.

Also, there’s nothing wrong with “Yes, Ma’am” and “No, Sir”, especially when speaking to someone in authority or out of respect. Older people expect it and most middle-age folks got their backsides swatted as kids if they didn’t speak politely.

We’ve raised the boys to open and hold the doors for ladies. That’s just good manners; I don’t care where you’re from.

All of these small gestures can really have an impact – and most often positively – on my day.
Manners at its purest are acting in a manner that does not offend and puts others at ease. (Degree of Separation #1)

My friend Tif Slinkard has great manners. She’s knows what fork to use and she can properly address an envelope to her elected representative, but more importantly she always puts everyone around her at ease. (Degree of Separation #2)

I’ve often lived through Tif vicariously. She and her husband Phil attend lots of big concerts put on by famous musicians. I love music, but hates crowds so I like to hear Tif talk about her trips. She’s heard lots of big artists Harry Connick Jr., U2, Billy Joel, etc. (Degree of Separation #3)

Unfortunately I’m not a really fan of some of the artists, although I have always liked and never tire of Bill y Joel’s song “New York State of Mind.” (Degree of Separation #4)

Probably close to 20 years ago, my mom and I took a Crowder sponsored trip to New York City. It was an amazing site-seeing experience, but for the most part I found the people I met stand-offish and rude, by our Ozark standards. (Degree of Separation #5)

You don’t usually find many transplanted New Yorker living in the Ozarks, but that’s exactly what’s happened when John and Alyson Hagianis relocated to Diamond, opening the Diamond Café. They are amazingly nice and their menu is delicious. From the minute you walk in you’ll feel like your guests in their home. (Degree of Separation #6)

I’m up for a dose of good food and great friends. It appears I may soon be treating Tif to lunch in Diamond.